I recently attended a funeral and the stepmother wasn’t acknowledged at all by the deceased or her family in the service or the obituary. She had been married to the deceased girl’s father for 30 years and all of this came as quite a shock to the stepmother. She certainly counted her children as her grandchildren, gave and received cards and gifts from them and always attended every outing and family function. Over the years, the deceased woman’s mother who was originally married to her father, made it clear to the children that they were not to acknowledge the stepgrandmother, so they felt awkward at gatherings. This didn’t deter the stepgrandmother from loving them. After all, they were only children and didn’t deserve any of this.
When the stepdaughter became very ill, the stepmother and mother found themselves at her deathbed together along with the father. They were able to forget their differences and the stepmother thought that this was finally the breakthrough she needed in order to help the young family with their loss. The stepdaughter’s husband was so full of grief that he was losing the love of his life, he was bitter and angry and consequently took it out verbally on those nearby. This united the grieving parent trio even more. The children were also less wary about who to turn to for support at their time of great need.
After her passing, the husband was left with the children and his family to help him. A few days later, the obituary was placed in the local paper and the stepmother’s name was left out intentionally. It read, “she is survived by her parents” and listed her mother’s name and father’s name, as if they were still married to each other, along with other family and extended family member names. This included her half brothers whom she only saw a handful of times in her life. Her husband was furious when he read it and she could only cry. You see, she had known her stepdaughter since she was 9 years old. They had always told each other “I love you” and exchanged cards and messages on every holiday. She was always the first person that came to mind at Christmas and even at her wedding, the stepmother was asked to read a special passage and they shared a special day at the winery after presenting her with the tiara she wanted to be married in. The stepmother gave her three special baby showers and she was always made to feel that she was part of her family.
The stepdaughter’s husband said that he had orders from above (whatever that meant) and wrote it as he was told to. The father and the husband had breakfast and the husband apologized to the father and then called the stepmother to apologize. She said she wasn’t angry because after all, he had just lost the love of his life, his young wife. But inside she was so hurt.
The day of the wake, the stepmother being comfortable with the mother now, asked her husband to call her and offer her a ride since she was alone. The husband was on the phone and put the mother on speaker, so the stepmother could hear. She asked if the father had read the obituary and he said that he had, not mentioning the stepmother’s hurt feelings. The mother proudly stated that the husband asked for her input and that she had approved the obituary. The stepmother now knew that her name was intentionally left out because the former wife was still trying to get even with her husband for leaving her 39 years ago, and for marrying the stepmother 30 years ago.
I know this story is true, because I am the stepmother in this story. No matter how much you love someone, sometimes it isn’t enough in the end.